Our use of language must be intentional, truthful and respectful, without manipulation, hidden agendas or malice. The clearer we are with ourselves about our needs and desires, the easier it is to express those with words to the world.
- could you please vs can you
- want vs like
- do vs don’t
- him/her/them vs it
- affirmation vs confirmation
- soft language
Could you please vs can you???
Let’s examine a commonly used term “can you”. Ask a child “can you open the door”, when you actually wanted them to open the door for you. The response will be, “Yes I can” and they will go about their business. What happened here is that you used language manipulatively and without respect or humility.
When we desire another person’s assistance we must show respect, humility, as we recognise we need the other person’s help. We also must be clear and honest on what we actually need from the other person to do. If I need the other person to open the door I must say, “Could you please open the door”.
The word ‘please’ is a magical, which when paired with “could” shows our respect to the other person as well as asking for help. The “can you” by itself is lazy and full of manipulation, as it is questioning the ability of the other person to do something and hence nudging them to comply with the demand, therefore it is dishonest and and disrespectful.
Want vs like
This is also about respect. Use “I would like” instead of “I want”.
Do vs don’t
This is about expressing what we want and getting it as opposed to saying what we don’t want and getting it. Sounds funny? This is actually psychology, and the Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) also focuses on it.
Our brains are not good at understanding “don’t”. Imagine telling a child “Don’t come home late” or “Don’t lie” as opposed to “Be home on time” and “Tell the truth”. Which request will get you the desired outcome?
Lastly “Energy flows where attention goes” or Makia, as it is known in Huna. Am I picturing what I want and projecting it for the other person or asking them to do what I don’t want? Am I focusing on the path I am wishing to travel or looking at the tree and hope I’ll avoid it. Just like a child riding a bike my focus will determine whether I travel safely or collide with the tree.
Him/her/they vs it
Once we realise we are all one, including the animal and us (since we are animals), we might as well stop turning animals to objects and start calling them by their name or their gender. I sense there will be a whole lot more discomfort trying to kill/eat an animal with a name…
Affirmation vs confirmation
Affirmations can be useful, however they may only serve as one step along the way towards our goals or just to nudge yourself to even start considering the goal as a possibility. Imagine wanting to climb a mountain and you are telling yourself “I can do it”. Will that get you to the top? It will only make it possible in your mind, since you imagined yourself climbing the mountain.
On the other hand as soon as you have taken your first step towards the mountain top you can confirm it, “I am climbing” or “I am doing it”.
Soft language
Soft language is the (over)use of softening words, such as “kind of/kinda”, “maybe”, “probably”, “should” and “think”; which results in ambiguity, uncertainty and avoidance (of reality or “what is”).
We all heard other and ourselves say “Maybe I’m still angry at him” or “It’ kinda like this”. The use of such words is an expression of the fog we conjure to cover the truth from ourselves, hoping the world will be blind to it as well.
Leave these words out and discover the truth.