The State of the State

As the governments in Australia are closely following in the steps of the governments of the United States of America; when it comes to illegally invading other countries, eroding civil liberties, further empowering transnational and antinational corporations and so on; I believe it is fit to copy and adopt another thing from them: the State of the Union address. Only it will relate only to the fine state of New South Wales, not the 51st State of America also known as Australia or the Queen’s backyard. Just close your eyes and imagine yourself listening to a not so talented ba(i)rd, who claims to “lead” this state, as he addresses the Parliament.

The State of the State

“Ladies and Gentlemen, owners of foreign corporations, Mr President, the few members of the Parliament who bothered to turn up and you people who have time and energy after a full day at work and bother to listen. We have been placed in office by the votes of the misguided people of New South Wales, following a successful campaign paid for by our benefactors in the mining industry, the building industry and the livestock industry, just to name a few.

We have faithfully served the interest of the few. We will overturn the block imposed by the North Sydney council and will allow our friends at the Chinese backed property tycoons Auswin TWT to build a 120 metre tall tower. This tower is merely 70 metres taller than the surrounding buildings. As Planning Minister Rob Stokes said we will continue providing endless backdoor opportunities for developers, no matter what the councils or the voters say or want.

We will continue to support the livestock industry and will punish anyone who dare to cause them economic loss, even if it means we are effectively assisting in the concealment of the commission of serious indictable offences in contravention of section 530 of the Crimes Act. We will defend the RSPCA from the inquiries of the animal right advocates and continue to hinder their efforts to do anything meaningful which could cause harm to our beloved friends in the livestock industry.

I would also like to take the opportunity to assure our supporters and owners among the members of the mining industry that we will clean up the coal seam gas industry. First by changing its name, so as to further confuse the people of this state. From now on, following the recommendations from the federal lobbyists, we will call this wonderful opportunity “natural gas from coal seams” not coal seam gas or CSG.

We love businesses far more than people. We want to be fair dinkum clear about it. We want businesses to vote in the City of Sydney council election, and to vote Liberal. We now mode it compulsory for businesses to vote and will use them to get rid of Clover Moore. We have allied ourselves with the Gun and Fishing Rod Slinging Party just to get this done.

I would like to take the opportunity to call out to federal attorney-general George Brandis. Uncle George! Thank you for your data-retention laws. This will allow a range of so called law enforcement organisations, not just the police, to access call charge records and other sensitive and private information WITHOUT WARRANTS issued by the courts. We are of course hoping that people will not start using the TOR (The Onion Router) network and browser or Virtual Private Networking (VPN) to maintain their privacy online. We are very sad to hear, that there are free mobile apps which could be used to communicate privately, namely Signal for iOS, RedPhone for Android as well as Textsecure which is a cross platform encrypted text messaging app.

However I am not happy with Uncle George for rejecting my request to extend the detention period for “terrorism suspects” from the current 8 days to 28 days. I would like to see a system similar to Guantanamo Bay to more effectively terrorise the suspects. We are of course not concerned with international agreements or human rights, we just want to appear tougher on terror than the federal government. Terror which was created by our allies and role models.

Thank you, and may God bless Australia.