The soft stuff 2

My father told me once, “To tell a woman everything about yourself is weakness”. For a long while I believed him. I did not know any better. He did not know any better. I walked on the street trying to look tough, trying to feel I am stronger, better and all the rest. Until one day…

Years ago I got a wakeup call in the middle of the day. I was having breakfast with my then girlfriend at my place. I sat in front of my computer just like any other time when I was eating at home and she was sitting on the bed. For a few minutes we were eating in silence, then she suddenly said, “Hey I’m here”. Even thought I thought I was in a relationship, in my heart, I was still alone. Although for years I was slowly breaking down, layer by layer, the conditioning of my past – including my father’s “advice” – I was far from being human. I was only acting like a human. I am alone with this? You be the judge.

I was glad to discover my “faults” because that meant for me I became more observant. Have you experienced this? From then on you have to rely a lot less on the world for feedback. Remind yourself of this when you hear others say “you’re an ass” and don’t start thinking about buying a saddle.

Moments like this and our reaction to those moments make a difference in life. How can you expand your horizon to be able to see yourself in a different angle? Try looking at yourself as a person related to others. This may bring you closer to the rest of humanity. I know my world suddenly felt bigger, more colourful, more alive. If we are observant we will realise that the only reason we are humans is because we are related to others. In contrast to this we can be lonely in a crowd and we can be together a thousand miles away from each other.

This “soft stuff” which is our real self and without it no matter how much of the “hard stuff” we try to create, life won’t work. The soft stuff is sensitivity. Being sensitive means that one is capable of sensing things. It is like being receptive to different radio stations or TV channels. Some people choose to be receptive to advertisement and allow the subliminal programming behind the pretty pictures to override their real values. Others choose to be ignorant of the suffering of others, but are highly sensitive to their own pains. What are you choosing to be receptive of? Are you seeking to maintain your positions no matter what happens or are you capable of adapting to the changes in your environment? Can you change your stance?